Over the last few years, companies who once thought they could remain neutral so as not to upset their customers, learned that they can't. They learned that silence does, indeed, equal violence. I hope this tool can provide a quick assessment to help folks who want to move from platitudes to action.

The problem is that while jargon can help connect in-group members, it can also signal to out-group members that a particular space is not for them.

On appearance, the person is trying to show affection or connection toward the guitar. Or perhaps demonstrating a relationship with it? But unfortunately, the fact that a large number of intimate objects are given women’s names is not just about connection.

It’s a meme as old as time… the Nagging Wife Guitar Meme(tm)!

If you are, somehow, unaware of the type of meme I’m talking about, a quick google search for “wife guitar meme” will demonstrate what I mean. Basically, they are any meme where a husband is hiding his gear purchases from his wife.

Of course, these are frustrating for a number of reasons, but to me, a lot of this comes down to folks’ lack of education on healthy relationships and the ways that gender stereotypes, sexual and relationship scripts, and expectations play into that.

It’s a perfect system for exploitation and victim-blaming, focusing on the individual’s supposed faults rather than any problems inherent in the system.

If you realize that part of the process of doing this work from the perspective of a person in power means you will make mistakes, and that is normal, that can help the situation.

So, what happens after you make a mistake?

You have to apologize.

And one of the most important things you can do as an ally is learning to apologize well.

Social media moderation is a hard job. And it is a hot topic, as well. It comes up nearly every time I run a workshop, and I’ve covered it a few times as well, such as in the Music Gear Bechdel Test. It is a frequent conversation on Mid-Riff, as well.

Clearly, people want some guidelines on how do this effectively and equitably. So, who am I to deny them?

While you are small and this requires systemic change— even as a small company, you can make an impact and influence others in the industry.

Spaces that don’t focus on the rights and safety of ALL, ultimately lead to harm for all. What are the problems with “free speech” spaces and what are the solutions to create better spaces— both online and in-person?

I love gear. But, I also understand that there is a real privilege in having access to it. Constant #gearporn posts in music gear social media can lead those who do not have money to partake in gear culture feeling like they aren’t able to join in the conversation.

How can three gender-related stories in the music gear industry connect the dots between objectification and the potential for change?

Venues are spaces of community. We gather in them to have shared experiences and shared emotions.

But as I’ve been thinking about this loss, I’ve also been thinking about all of the people for whom venues and music spaces more broadly— everything from music stores to online forums— have not been a place of community and belonging.

It’s important to think about the types of music women choose to create, how they create it, and the value attributed to it. While there has been some change and greater attention to this, obviously a quick glance at most of these lists or even music magazines more generally, will show whose work is valued.

Whether this is happening at a Trump caravan, on a discussion board, in a music store, or at band practice, it’s important for men to recognize the harm of this behavior and that engaging in it is really signaling insecurity rather than dominance.

I want music stores to survive and thrive! In order for this to happen, they need to be places where everyone can feel comfortable— and recognizing and preventing these tropes can help.

These are a few steps that you can use to get rolling! Changes can start with you as an individual, with conversations you have with coworkers, or ways that you can advocate at the company level.